Just summary to make a DB post
Section I:Emotional Development: The Function of Emotions
Emotions are brain-based impulses that motivate a person to act in a particular way (Goleman, 1995). Most parents would probably be interested to know that the seat of all emotional responses, in both themselves and their babies, comes from the amygdala, two almond-sized and -shaped structures, one on each side of the brain near the side of the head. The amygdala is tiny but mighty, to which anyone who has witnessed a child (or themselves) being overcome by intense fear or anger can attest!
The amygdala receives information from the senses directly and activates a response, before the neocortex has a chance to fully recognize the sensory input. From a survival perspective, this acting-before-thinking approach is useful in times of danger, as the quick reaction from the amygdala activates the flight, fight, or freeze response, so that we can swiftly manage perceived threats to our well-being. It helps us know when we might need to be angry or fearful. The challenge of being human is to know when you really are in danger and what to quickly do about it, or whether your neocortex needs to make a more rational decision and think through its actions first.
The neocortex, the large area of the brain responsible for rational thoughts such as strategizing and long-term planning, decides what it thinks about the feelings that were generated in the amygdala. So although the circuitry of these two minds is distinct from one another, the two minds cooperate by means of a web of connecting circuits from the emotional areas to the neocortex (Goleman, 1995). In this way, the emotional centers exert tremendous power to guide the thinking centers of the brain. We actually have two minds, what Goleman calls the emotional brain and the thinking brain. Goleman, an expert in the study of emotional intelligence, describes an emotionally intelligent person as one who has the ability to navigate the emotional brain/thinking brain system and develop “self-control, zeal and persistence, and the ability to motivate oneself” (1995, p. xii).
An emotionally intelligent person recognizes that the human brain is hardwired to have emotional responses in the amygdala first, and unless one is in danger (a flight, fight, or freeze response), those strong emotions need to be interpreted by the thinking brain so that the person knows what to rationally do about them. So how do parents begin this journey toward emotional intelligence with their infants and toddlers, to help their children balance emotion and reason? Parents have an enormous opportunity to help their children develop emotional intelligence: These opportunities lie in the fact that children are always noticing how their parents respond to them, how their parents model rational responses to their own emotions, and how parents respond in their relationships with other adults, especially their partners. As a counselor, you also have a tremendous potential to assist parents in this amazing emotional odyssey.
Reflection 6.1
Emotional Brain, Thinking Brain
Before Ruby was 2 years old, she was having a particularly noisy toddler tantrum, and, not exactly planning what to do but needing to get her out of the house (which sounded like an echo-chamber from her screaming), I scooped her up and took her outside, saying, “We need to go outside and talk about this.” I held Ruby in my lap while we sat on a small, rough-hewn workbench made by my late father, which we called “Dan’s bench.” I started talking with her about the emotional brain and the thinking brain—how the emotional brain lets you know that something is wrong, and that the thinking brain helps you figure out what to do about it. I guessed what she was upset about and talked with her gently about how to resolve it, while she relaxed and looked at nature in the back yard. A few days later while Ruby was having another screaming episode, I asked, “What do we need to do about this?” I was shocked to hear my toddler say, “Sit on Dan’s bench … talk about it,” which we promptly did. Ruby is now 3½ years old and she has sat in my lap on Dan’s bench dozens of times since then, all at her suggestion. She has responded so well to the idea that she has two brains and is able to verbalize from which brain she is operating that I have never had to give her a timeout or any type of punishment. She just takes me out to Dan’s bench to talk about it, in any kind of weather or time of night.
